New Works...as of june 99
Rip away the pain Claw at insides gone insane Frowning and Fretting at all i am Replacing I cant in front of all the I cans Speaking names to unheard voices Empty life from thoughtless choices Spiraling out of controll and sync World is slipping down the sink Wisper words that have no meaning Find a life without a being Shallow as the nearest pond Dream of everything that now is gone Trip across broken hate Love to feel that way its great Revel in the past dont let it go Mind is cold all thoughts like snow Work to bring out of this madness Fight my heart and all its sadness Live a life become a Lie Hurt your friends make love die Wallow in the Darkest void Thoughts keep ticking untill annoyed Shut all down and Think it through Wonder if they're dying too Live again some from some days in past Find a love try to make it last Dont let go hold on tight Choking now never stop the fight Power down and seal your fate Fight against relentless hate Stop the pain and all its toil Freeze bad blood from salting your soil Lift yourself above the masses Find a truth, hold on till the wave crashes Strenghen spirit body and mind Love can be so cruel and kind -BMW- Painted Mask Smile shines through the eyes i see so radiant and pure It makes me cold and i turn away Hating myself for what it made me feel I tasted her lips and i knew her smell, and held it above any other But now i know i lament over lost feelings that i possess but she does not Apathay has overcome my Sanity I lie alone at nite and Lie to myself about what i feel and what im doing realizing that when i ran away i only hid from myself, not an escape like i thought I provoke the feelings of security by telling myself im in a better situation Its not true, but another fable i create to keep myself away from my Pain My wrists are scarred by so many cuts and Memorys, but no one sees them Siting by myself, working by myself, driving by myself and even loving by myself I see others happy but cannot touch them or feel them, because i am afraid I let myself go and burned my fingers, found my faerie wings and never got what i wanted out of the love i thought i gave to myself I shut myself Down, because feelings burn all the time, and i cannot stand the stench of my self inflicted sins burning I forgave myself for being imperfect I forgave myself for what she did to me I forgave my Father for being an alcoholic I forgave myself for Not leaving sooner And i Lie to myself when i tell myself that i am a better person I loved the pain i miss it so And so, i sit here again and realize the only true release i have is from the pain The Pain of the thouch The Pain of the Razor The pain of Fucking myself Raw Of touching those with my tainted hands Of letting myself be beaten down by others because i need it Of Being InHuman, Because i am not I decide what i need to do to make myself happy I smile a painted smile, that i wear with my makeup and i put on my faerie armor of the night, all of its whips and chains and beauty I save the razor blades for later, when i am alone and i never cry, it feels to good, and i am not worthy of it My Apathy will not overcome my Insanity, but only feed my Curiousity for how far i will take this, and perpetuate this Stagnation we call existence... -BMW-